In just one short week, we'll pack up a moving trailer and head back to Oklahoma, just one week shy of living in Kansas City, Missouri for 15 months. This season was shorter than I expected it to be, but I'm learning (ever so sloooowly) that when God says something is for a season, it's best to leave my own ideas of what that means by the wayside and simply trust.
We are different people than we were 15 months ago. If you'd told me in February 2015 that I would voluntarily move back to my hometown, give up my dream house in favor of a tiny house 1/5 the size, leave my sisterhood tribe that I've found here...well, I would have said that you're crazy. But that's exactly where we find ourselves. And not out of necessity, or because we have no other options or because we've hit rock bottom...but because we simply chose.
We've chosen to shed the unnecessary baggage that comes with having a large house...the maintenance, the accumulated belongings, and yes, the mortgage, utilities, taxes.
We've chosen to move back to my hometown, not like a dog with its tail tucked between its legs, but as a family newly committed to living and loving wherever God plants us. And for right now, he's calling us back to that land, and that people.
We've chosen to leave the friends who have become family, not because we don't love them or because we hate living in a big city (though let's face it...that's partially true), but because we're heeding a call we can't deny any longer.
Yesterday, I stood in the living room feeling utterly defeated. I was surrounded by moving boxes, by piles of stuff we're taking to donate. The stuff we've accumulated over the years (and willingly held onto!!) is mind boggling. I was feeling so disgusted by the sheer excess. By the waste. By what it symbolized...our inability to deny ourselves. It's evidence that, for a good chunk of our lives, we bought the lie that the key to a good life is to accumulate more, buy a bigger house, climb the ladder. I hugged my husband and said, "I wish someone had told us years ago that we didn't have to make this choice. That we could have said no to all this nonsense."
And then I realized that someone already did.
He's been telling us over and over, in a million ways, that the path to joy isn't found in stuff, but only in him. Maybe for the first time ever, we're finally taking him seriously on this. I know there a lot of people who will argue against what we're choosing. I've heard them say it: "I could never do that." And I used to say that too. And then I realized that what I really meant wasn't "I COULD never do that" but "I WOULD never do that."
I wasn't saying that I'm not capable of making the changes necessary, but that I wasn't willing. And Jesus called me on it. Because he loves us too much to watch us waste our lives on meaningless pursuits. So we said yes. Yes to giving away our possessions, the evidence of time, money, and life wasted. We said yes to living in a smaller space in order to make space for the people and experiences that we truly value. We said yes to being uncomfortable because if we've learned anything from our time in KC it's that Jesus' primary concern is NOT our comfort, but our maturity and growth.
We're saying yes. We're making hard choices. And you know what? It feels so good. And I'm so grateful that God didn't leave us where he found us, climbing a ladder that doesn't really exist, in pursuit of some elusive dream. Because when he offers living water, it's real, it's meaningful, it's life changing. The rest is just stuff.