What my children need is a praying Mama. A Mama who prays wholeheartedly, listens intently, loves unconditionally, repents freely, and then does it all again tomorrow. A Mama who daily downloads the blueprint of Heaven with all of its supernatural strategies and heavenly perspectives, and then gets to work, co-laboring with Christ to present and live out the Gospel to and with my children. A Mama on her knees in repentance, in praise, in adoration, in humility. A Mama on her knees in wonder and awe that the God of the Cosmos chose ME to mother these image-bearers and train them up in the ways they should go.
So, I repent. I repent of being a Mama more drawn to complaint than confession. I repent of being a Mama more prone to discouragement than to declaration. I repent of being a Mama who is agitated more than affirmed and affirming. I repent of being a Mama who reacts with frustration more than I respond with grace. A Mama who has spoken with "a tone" more than I've spoken with love. A Mama demanding perfection rather than showing my children the road map to redemption. A Mama trying to keep it all together on my own, refusing to rest in Christ who holds all things together by the word of his power (Hebrews 1:3). The same Christ who is my very life and breath, the One who holds my cells together, AND causes the Universe to continue on (Colossians 1:15-20.)
I repent of trying to be god to my children, thinking that I have the power to bring about the transformation of their hearts. I repent for making my children a god by allowing my identity, self-worth, value, social status or anything else hinge on them and their behavior. They are far too precious to bear the weight of my insecurity. Forgive me Father, when I've caused them to stumble under the weight of unrealistic expectations and demands. They are not pack mules intended to toil under the load of a Mama's failures; they are sheep meant to rest in green pastures, alongside their resting Mama. A Mama who knows that she too needs to graze on the sweetness and drink from the fullness that is the Good Shepherd.
So today, as I parent these beautiful children, carriers of your imprint in the world, let my heart be soft, my eyes be kind, my voice be love, my ears be open, my hands be gentle, my arms be wide, ready to draw them into the embrace of a loving Mama, yes. But more than that, that they would feel the embrace of their Father in Heaven, who is always, now and forever, the better parent. And when I fail and stumble, let me have the humility to lower back to my knees, to repent, to draw them in, and to point them back to Jesus, the only one who can truly satisfy.